Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
