I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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