I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
