Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize