and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
