I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
