you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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