I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
