There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry about my life...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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