They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
