I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
