just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
