He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
