peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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