I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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