i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
