so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
