My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
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I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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