I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
