I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
