Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
