so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
