I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
