best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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