okay pat passed out under dana's car
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
