My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
