I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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