That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
