apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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