did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize