we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's not a walk of shame if you run
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
