I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
