My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
one two three fourrrrnication!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
