cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
