just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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