i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
