just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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