I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
