you would pick up someone in the library
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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