I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dick very happy bro
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
