We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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