How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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