I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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