Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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