Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I could make wine with my vomit
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
