I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
