Even the bartender felt bad for me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
