areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
