3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I touched a dick in church today
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
