Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
