Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Be still, my beating vagina.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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