i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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