I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Vodka?
Forever.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
