that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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