my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
