so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
