I just saw a hot homeless man
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
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I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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