I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
