it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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