i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize