She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need moral support for this bender
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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