Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
