So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
