It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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