who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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